Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Where does your security lie?

This has been a tough week for me and I cannot avoid that as I write.  I wanted so badly to come up with something cute or happy or anything fun.  But my heart is heavy and I can't fake it.  My precious Aunt Carolyn died on Sunday.  I could write about her for hours.  She was much more than an aunt to me, she was like my mother.  She was my biggest cheerleader and encourager.  No one on this planet has ever showed me love and acceptance as she did.  The world without her in it makes no sense to me whatsoever.  I loved her husband (my Uncle Yank)  and her mother (Gram) like crazy, too.  They are all gone now.  The three of them made such a great security blanket of comfort, encouragement, and love for me.  Now with Carolyn gone I don't know which end is up.  I feel sick and sad and downright horrible.  

Now don't get me wrong.  Please don't send me Scriptures explaining who God is to us in times of trouble.  I get all that.  Believe me, God's been hearing from me.  I know who he is and who I am because of him.  But let me tell you, there are people in this world that really matter.  They have an impact on who you truly are.  They are so much a part of me that I feel like part of me is gone.  And that pain is real.  No, God doesn't change.  He is our rock and comforter.  He is our strong tower, our help in time of need.  But that doesn't mean we don't cry our eyes out.  It just means we have someone who will listen!  He never disappoints.  He is an ever-present shoulder to cry on.   

Here's the good part.  Even with these wonderful people gone I still feel love and security.  Where does that come from?  Jesus of course.  I'm in excruciating pain but Jesus is still there.  Even when the world seems chaotic and your life seems upside down, Jesus doesn't go anywhere.  Are you teaching your kids that?  It's easy to read them Bible stories and have devotions, etc.  It's fun to teach kids about Jesus.  But when life is hard kids see what it is  that we turn to.  Do we turn to people?  Do we  turn to ourselves?  Do we crawl in our beds?  When stuff is really hard and you want to cry til Jesus returns, where do you turn?  Do your kids see you turn to Jesus?  Do they see you turn to chocolate or soap operas or any escape possible?  I'm asking this because I'm right in the middle of it, reflecting as I go.  

I pray as life's hard parts come that God is who you turn to.  You and your children will reap eternal benefits and much peace as a result.  Can I ask you to pray for me as I process this monumental loss?  I do know that God is the great I Am.  That's what I'm holding onto this day.  

Be lifted-

Sue

Proverbs 14:26
He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.

2 comments:

Rebecca Ingram Powell said...

Hi Sue,

Continuing to pray for you during this terribly sad time right now. I know you are hurting so badly.

Girl, I don't think you are getting my emails. Check your spam folder, okay?

love you!

Beloved MaMa said...

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your heart.